Not Again…

No, not again he screamed in his head as another fight down stairs was quickly escalating.  He knew he was supposed to stay in his room till it was quiet so he covered his ears to drown out her screams and went to his safe place in the back of his bedroom closet.  He curled up in a ball as tight as he could and whispered to his teddy bear digger; don’t be afraid, everything is going to be ok.  He rocked his body back and forth because it gave him comfort and he waited for the terror to stop.  He felt so helpless and wished he was older and stronger.  He wished he could go down there and protect her but he knew he would get beaten again.  

 He didn’t’ understand any of this, how could his step dad tell her he loves her one minute then hurt her the next, it didn’t makes sense. Why was this happening to her?  She is the most loving mom in the whole wide world; she takes care of all of them and makes sure they all know how much she loves them. She didn’t deserve this from him, none of them did, his stepdad was supposed to protect the family not destroy them. 

Finally he heard the front door slam shut and he waited a little to see if there was noise in the house, when he felt it was safe, he crept down the stairs.  What he saw will always haunt him for the rest of his life.  The living room and kitchen was in shambles and he saw her lying on the kitchen floor, not moving, her blood was everywhere.  He ran down to her screaming, mom, mom, are you ok, mom, please, wake up!  She didn’t move.   He ran around the house frantically looking for the phone, with his whole body shaking and in shock, he dialled 911.  

With anxious relief he could hear the sirens and thanked God they arrived quickly.  He rushed to open the door and waved them to his house and told them, “I think my mom is dead”.   

When she came home from the hospital, it broke his heart to look at her.  She shuffled in, head down, her hair loosely covering her swollen face and eyes.  She had black and blue bruises all over her and even though he knew her bruises would fade and her face would heal, it was the way she carried herself that scared him the most, she was broken and he’d never seen her this far gone before.  

That incident that turned their lives upside down happened almost 2 years ago now and they are both slowly learning to get back out into the world again.  He had literally shut down and needed something to help him so for the last two summers, he spent a week at the Tim Horton’s camp and he can honestly say it has changed his life.  Being part of the group has helped him gain his confidence back and learn he can be safe around strangers again.  They encourage him to talk and share what he has gone through and by doing so has helped him get out of his shell, so much so that this year, he’s been spending more time outside on his scooter and hanging out with friends. 

If you ask him to talk about it, he will tell you he just wants to forget it ever happened but he can’t and he quietly knows he will always be looking over his shoulder for that man who he called dad…